MAYBE YOU'LL NEVER KNOW, MAYBE I'LL NEVER SHOW - APOORVA PANDEY

 

Aditi, a chubby, fun-loving girl with dark brown eyes and straight black mid-length hair in her late 20s, was dying of hunger as she was fasting on the auspicious day of Karva Chauth. Looking stunning in her crimson red saree, she was waiting for the moon to rise so she could do the pooja and have something as being healthy was a big concern for her these days. Being six months pregnant, Aditi knew it wasn't just about her but the baby too, for whom Aditi had to eat and be healthy. On the auspicious occasion of 5th Karva Chauth of hers, as she was waiting for the moon to do its trick, she started reminiscing on how long they have come from where they began and how incredible the journey has been.

Looking back to when they first met, how shy he was, and how long they waited before sharing their feelings. Aditi went onto a rollercoaster ride of mixed emotions and started remembering the first day they met in the beautiful city of Banaras (now known as Varanasi). Famous for its 'tamatar chaat to lassi, banarasi sarees to ghats, temples to shehnais,' the city is one of the best tourist places in the country. In this 'one of its kind' city lived a boy named Ankur. Being the only child, his parents (overwhelmingly) loved him. He was 6 ft tall with a solid built, dusky complexion and was calm, patient, charming, and easily loved by everyone. He was the school topper in class 10th and had started preparing for his engineering entrance exams. 

One day while going to coaching, riding on his bicycle, something very unusual happened. He saw a face that was hard to forget. A human of similar age (different gender….obviously) wearing a tank top, denim jacket, and jeans, caressing her hair, tucking them backward, and calling onto a name Ankitaa…..AnkItaaaaa…… Ankur couldn't help but wonder who she might be, as he was sure she wasn't from the neighborhood. Ankur was so stunned that he couldn't figure out that he was almost in the middle of the road, causing a traffic jam. Before he could park his bicycle on the sidewalk and look around for her again, she was gone.

Mesmerized by the girl's unique personality, Ankur was thinking how he could get to know her better and first things first….who was she? How will he find about her? Deeply invested in the thoughts, Ankur laid down on his bed that night and easily dozed off to sleep. As soon as he woke up the following day with the thought of the mystery girl still on his mind, something extraordinary happened. He felt like he was daydreaming because when Ankur stepped out of his room and saw Ankita talking to her mother, Ankur was surprised that he didn't know Ankita lived in the same colony as his. Desperate to know about the mystery girl, Ankur tried to make small talk with Ankita. 

They had a small general conversation; towards the end, Ankur also offered to drop her home (praying and hoping that he might be able to see her). As soon as they reached Ankita's home, Ankur couldn't resist and asked,

Ankur: Ankita, who was the other girl with you yesterday? I have never seen her around.

Ankita: Oh….her name is Aditi. She is my cousin from Lucknow and is here till the school resumes again. Do you want to talk to her?

Ankur: No…No….!! Ankur couldn't stop blushing but tried to end the conversation and run away from there. But, when he was bidding farewell to Ankita, Aditi came looking for Ankita. 

(Ankur and Aditi had brief eye contact, and Ankita introduced them to each other. Just then, Ankita's mother called her, and she went away, giving Ankur a chance to talk to Aditi).

Ankur: Hi…I am Ankur; I live in the neighborhood.

Aditi: Hi….yes, I know who you are.

(Before Ankur could understand and respond accordingly to this sentence, Aditi was also called in, and she ran away)

The same afternoon, when Ankur was riding for his coaching classes, he saw the two girls again and stopped to greet them. Ankita initiated the conversation as Ankur and Aditi were stupidly gazing at each other….!!!)

Ankita: Ankur, do you mind helping Aditi to pick out the best coaching classes for engineering. She has to start her preparation but is not sure what to choose.

Ankur (most than delighted on the offer): Yes, of course. I am from the same background so that I can help with that. 

Ankita: Great, I’ll get going then.

Aditi: So you are also pursuing engineering? 

Ankur: Yeah, I am aiming for IITs, so I had to start my preparations as soon as possible. So you live in Lucknow? And how did you know who I was?

Aditi: Yes, I am from Lucknow. Everyone in the family and locality talks about how good you are, the ideal kind of boy, so I knew. Ankita also mentioned that you are pursuing engineering, too, so that intrigued my interest.

Ankur: So you like engineers?

Aditi: Nopes…..I don't like them…!!!!

Ankur: Whaaatttttt? (He was so shocked and distraught listening to this)

Aditi: Yes, I don't like engineers. I like defense personnel (Airforce, Army, Navy officers)

Ankur couldn't register what had hit him and was devastated to listen to this. He felt like his chance of being friends with Aditi had ended even before it had started. Aditi also mentioned she always wanted a friend from a similar background, slowly they were and talked about various aspects of life. Then came Ankita and asked Aditi to hurry up because they had spent all their time there and were super late now. Ankur, too, looked at the watch and realized his mother would be worried for him. So, Ankur tried to take Aditi's number but couldn't gather the courage, and they left. 

The whole night Ankur thought about what Aditi had said and started wondering if engineering was the right choice. Over the next couple of months, through the entire summer, Ankur and Aditi regularly conversed, enjoying the views of the ghats of Banaras and talking about various aspects of life. Finally, summer ended, and it was time for Aditi to go back to Lucknow. Ankur was all prepared to tell her that he liked her and went to Ankita's home to bid Aditi goodbye and tell her about his feelings.

As he went there and saw the entire family standing there, he couldn't muster the courage to talk to her. Time went by, Ankur and Aditi stayed in touch over the phone, but Ankur never expressed how he felt for her. They both buried their feeling and remained "just friends." Slowly they both started getting busier in their schedules. They got busier with their schedules and couldn’t stay much in touch. Over time, Aditi, too, had started liking him, but both waited for the other one to say it first. 

Finally, they were done with their board exams, and Aditi was very excited to meet Ankur again but what she was unaware of was what Ankur was planning as a surprise for her. when Aditi finally arrived after finishing her exams, she couldn't believe what she saw. Ankur was a changed man altogether, not just physically but mentally too. Aditi couldn't have ever known that he had passed the NDA exam (AFCAT to be precise) and was heading to join the Indian Airforce. 

Aditi was perplexed and couldn't express how she felt at the moment. She never (in a million years) would have thought that Ankur could take that one sentence which she randomly said seriously and change his aim and career. She was incredibly proud and so overwhelmed with emotions that her voice choked. They enjoyed a month together but then it was time for Ankur to head towards his institute. They knew it was going to be rigorous after that, so he wanted to express how he felt about her. It wasn't that Aditi was unaware, but they had never spoken about their relationship. Maybe that was the kind of bond they shared, so simple yet so serene, no formalities, no loud words, and gestures, but just the feeling of being sure that they have got each other's back. 

Standing their Aditi was blushing as Ankur mentioned that he wanted to talk to her about something important because she very clearly knew what it was. They had indirectly discussed it many times, but Aditi always acted innocent and said, 'I don't know what you are referring to’. Ankur always thought, maybe that's how they are meant to be, "maybe she'll never know, maybe I'll never show," but he was determined to clear it today once and for all.

Just then something very unusual happened as they were talking, Aditi's mother fell from the stairs, and suddenly the romantic atmosphere turned into chaos. People started shrieking, shouting, while one was taking out the car, the other was helping her mother into it, as she became unconscious. When she reached the hospital in an unconscious state, she was only muttering Aditi…Aditi…!

Aditi held out her hand and said, "Mumma, I am here only," to which she replied, "where is Ankur?" Ankur came forward, and then she said something incredibly heart-wrenching "Please take care of my daughter even when I am gone." 

Everyone was crying, and as they were about to reach the hospital, she died, leaving a vacuum; Aditi and her father were inconsolable. Still, his father requested Ankur to please be with her daughter as his wife wanted the same.

Ankur couldn't express his bewilderment, but maybe it was time to let the genie out of the bottle. Perhaps it was time to show how he felt about her and let everyone know. Maybe it's been very long with hiding feelings, and it was time to unfold the truth. He said, "Yes, uncle, I will take care of your daughter till the very end as I fully plan to marry her in the coming years." Aditi, devastated by all that was happening, was surprised at Ankur’s marriage proposal but she said “Yes”.

After bottling up their feelings for so long, they finally shared a happily ever after and got married after completing their graduation. Maybe it was time for them to show their feelings, and five years after being married, they were expecting a baby; while Ankur was posted somewhere on the borders, Aditi celebrated her Karva Chauth.